:`-( RUNAWAY

So I try to keep my blogs on the happy side of life..but life's not always happy. I mentioned in my last one that some friends and I would be taking a trip to CA. We have it all planned out but now I am starting to rethink the whole thing. 1st---we leave on my sisters bday and that just isn't nice of me since she will be spending her birthday alone..i really should go up to Flag and stay with her. 2nd Dallin can't come because he has family stuff. :-( I am super bummed about it. PS have I mentioned my major crush on this boy who decided to move to utah.. 93 days ago..and I haven't seen him for 107..yes I am lame. oh well . 3rd reason...I stupidly set up my friend Cody with my friend Shae and I have been abandoned by both of them..the trip is starting to feel more like a trip for the 2 of them..and honestly I don't think it will turn out well. I have been really excited about this trip..up until they started dating..now I just don't want to go. And to top it all off I am making Cody a quilt for some extra money, sadly I feel like if it weren't for this quilt or the CA trip I would never hear from him. Makes me wonder if any of his other friends ever hear from him anymore. :-( It's really sad. I considered him one of my best friends, and we weren't even friends for that long. So there's my 1st rant

Lately, nothing makes me happy. I feel like the freaking ocean..I have really big ups...but those big ups turn into even bigger downs. It's not fair..I just want my life back. I want to be happy about things. :-( This past year has been so hard. With everything, jobs, school, boys, family..everything. I just want it all to be better again. I want to smile and laugh and not have a care in the world. But that's just thing. I think I care too much about people and how my friends are feeling. I do whatever it takes to make them happy. I should be the same way with my family but sometimes I just feel like I push them away. I don't know what to do. I really want to move out of Az but I don't think that will really solve anything and it will hurt my mom. But on the other hand, I don't know if there's anything left for me here. I don't want to run away but I do...why can't I just decide on something and get on with my life.
I wish like in that new country song by Love and Theft, I could just sell all my things and pack my bags and never look back, take the parallel line with the railroad track...I'll be a RUNAWAY!
Does running away solve anything..I'd like to think that it does, because I would really love to runaway right now...but sadly running away takes money...something I do not have. :-(